Sat 21 Mar 2009
Are we friends yet?
Posted by Lisa Hickey under random
There’s a lot of talk about friends these days. What is a “real” friend, and are online friends real or not, and oh, what about brands, could they possibly be your friend?
And at one point I had tweeted “A friend is someone who would show up at my funeral.”
Which is close, but hey, my friends in Singapore and Australia got a little nervous, and I *really * don’t want to exclude them.
So here’s an even more radical thought: “You are my friend if we treat each other like friends.”
I don’t care if you’re someone I’ve known forever, or hugged in real life, or only had a couple of online conversations with. I don’t care if we have shared interests, or for the most part, even shared values. And yes, you can be a brand, and no, you don’t have to come to my funeral. You don’t even have to send virtual flowers.
How does someone treat me like a friend?
I’m pretty easy. If someone doesn’t want anything from me except for friendship and doesn’t talk badly about me behind my back, they’re in.
Think about this for a moment. One thing I’ve noticed about some online friendships is that, in the end, there are a lot of people out there who really do want something from me. They ask me for something that I just can’t give them at that moment in time and poof! They disappear. It’s not that I mind the asking. I mind the disappearing. Because, truly, I will help ANYONE if I am physically able. But I can’t help everyone, all the time, for free, and still survive. And I certainly can’t buy everything everyone wants to sell me.
And my friends know that. They simply never care if I’m unavailable at any moment in time. Because they know me enough to know I’ll be there when I can be there. Always.
This is a sensitive subject that strikes at the heart of the burgeoning social media circuit. I am right there with you in that some of the nomenclatures thrown around like ‘friend’ (and ‘follower’ on twitter) are a bit of a stretch. But I understand they’re trying to humanize the cold world of technology. Ironically, it’s the warmth of active human dialogue that makes technology warmer (not just the nomenclatures).
Yet, who do you trust? Who really fits the definition of ‘friend?’And who will likely take advantage of you because they don’t understand the word, don’t respect the idea, or simply are bad people and only want to be near you for what you provide to them (selfishness/for their gain). For me, I learned long ago that you must put your heart on the line to really live. I have put more than one relationship in my rearview mirror in my life, and never looked back. Most of these were an effort to protect myself (my heart), but ironically this moved me farther away from love by not being willing to risk my heart with new people. Then it hit me - if I didn’t risk, there’d be no reward (with the reward being happiness/love in my life). So I learned to risk (Note: not easy). Now I’m happily married, with more love than I can handle in my life. This love includes new people I am meeting via Social Media.
I apologize for rambling, but this is something I’m going through too (and I don’t even want a funeral). Because it’s human nature to love, and to trust, we yearn to connect with kindred spirits. We always want these things to work out, but some people in the world are more selfish and seek only relationships that benefit them. These people don’t come around often in life. The odds are in your favor. But you’ve got to be willing to play in order to win.
GREAT post Lisa.
So many great points here. One really stands out for me “It’s not that I mind the asking [for help]. I mind the disappearing.” Perhaps that is one way we find out who really wants to be friends.
And for the record Jim, I really got a lot out of your sharing so thanks for being willing to do so!