Brother, can you spare a network?

photo: agaroza5

Here’s one of those completely unforeseen consequences that happens to me *all the time* now that I’ve been in social media for a while.

People ask me if they can borrow my network.

They don’t use exactly those words. They have a message they think is important. And they ask me to broadcast it to my entire network. Or they want me to tell people about their event, or their blog, or their favorite charity. They ask me to “please RT” something on Twitter. They want me to promote their work, or help them get a job, or just tell people they exist.

A few things are interesting to me about this.

One, sometimes the very same people who are asking me for help are ones who have been criticizing me for growing my network so big and so fast. Irony always makes me smile

Two. Yes, yes, yes. I want to be as helpful as I can. Always. Everyday. Anyone who has ever gotten a late night email from me with a long explanation of something they didn’t understand knows this to be true. So does everyone I’ve ever personally introduced to a contact, or written a recommendation for, or had a project done for free, or helped them work through a particularly difficult problem. I have spent my career arguing that kindness is a great business strategy, and live that mantra every day.

But here’s the thing.

I have built my network in part by being very conscious of what messages I send out to them. I take great pains not to be annoying or spammy, or intrusive or a waste of their time.

And it’s not that I think your message is annoying or spammy or intrusive or a waste of time. Especially not if it’s coming from YOU.

YOU are the one that’s engaged in your cause, or your ideas, or your life’s work, or your passion. YOU can explain it better than I can. And YOU are the one that can prove your own value, show the world how you think, be your own best advocate.

What I am more than happy to do is to help you grow your own network. To tell you everything I know about creating a community of people that is as big or as small or as active or as passive as you want. I can tell you how to engage people, message people, move them to action.

I want to help you. Just — don’t tell me HOW to help you. Have a real conversation with me, and tell me what you want to accomplish.

And now that I’ve got that off my chest, YES, you can borrow my network. That’s what I’ve created it for, to increase the amount of good things that can happen in this world. Just ask politely, work together with me on the best way to use it, and understand why if I do say no.

Thoughts? Ideas? Anyone else have this happen?

9 Responses to “ Brother, can you spare a network? ”

Robby Slaughter says:

March 12, 2009 at 10:45 pm

Nobody really wants to borrow your whole network. What they really want is to instantly find the right people for their message, and broadcasting is the first approach on everyone’s mind since it’s been the main way to reach out for the past 10,000 years.

For example, we’re trying to promote a local event right now (the Indianapolis Productivity Summit on March 30). This is probably of no interest to you in Boston, or the thousands of people in your network who are not based in Central Indiana. I don’t want to trouble you with details unless you happen to know someone in our area who is interested in workplace efficiency, and even then I don’t want to trouble you with the details, I would just love for you to send them our way.

The challenge of social media is the same as with all socialites since the first dinner party: how do you filter and route messages to the best people? If people are asking you to broadcast any message to every person, they aren’t really engaging with the power of your connections. Unfortuantely, the technology of social networks is still tragicially primitive. Countless individuals will read the paragraph above without it having any significant because they are not in the “target market.” One day the systems that enable our social interactions will obviate the need for “please-tell-everyone you-know” requests, but until then, expect to play town crier forever.

@robbyslaughter

Tim Bay says:

March 12, 2009 at 11:45 pm

Excellent post and very RT worthy

I would hope that people realize that a network is something you cultivate and one that exists because there is mutual benefit (whether it be a personal or professional network).

Twitter thrives on that mutual value and that’s why people follow others - at least one of the reasons.

I don’t think it is bad to ask for help, but we should trust people to know the best way to provide assistance (e.g. use their network) and respect when they don’t want to or don’t think they can help.

@timbay

zamchick says:

March 13, 2009 at 3:02 am

I thought that was really well put! And I’m happy I took the time to visit.

best,
Gary

Lisa Hickey says:

March 13, 2009 at 12:10 pm

Thanks everyone!

Robby, I am heartened to think that, like so much else, it’s a problem that can be solved by technology. It’s just not there yet. And I love your comparisons to the “socialite dinner party” and the “town crier”. Not much has really changed, has it.

Tim, yes, the idea of “mutual benefit”, SO important. I feel some people remember that with their own networks, and then forget it when they think of other peoples networks. But the more we discuss these issues openly, the more people will ‘get’ it. At least that’s my hope.

And Gary, I’m SO happy you thought it worth the time. I’ve only just started this blog, and quite frankly have been terrified that *I* wouldn’t get it! I have SUCH a newfound respect for those that blog and comment on a regular basis.

thank you!