Tue 17 Mar 2009
Public, private and semi-private conversations. Some thoughts.
Posted by Lisa Hickey under social media
A fascinating aspect of Social Media is how conversations that used to be private are now public. What are the implications? How will people think about which conversations to share with the world and which to keep private?
Here are some thoughts. I admit I have no answers. : ) I would love for anyone and everyone to join in the conversation around this.
Our public conversations will define our values.
As more and more conversations become more and more public, we will become defined by them. How do we treat people? With kindness, grace, helpfulness, sharing? It won’t be enough to say we are those things, we will be proving it constantly every day. Or, think about this quote from Leo Aikman: “You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.”
We will need to examine the word “trust”.
Anyone who has been on Twitter for a while has seen this phenomena: Spouses, children, boyfriends, girlfriends will say to someone who Twitters a lot: “You’re not going to put that on Twitter, are you?”
Yes, it’s funny. A sign of the times. My kids say it to me all the time. But here’s the thing: there’s a trust issue going on here.
I discuss these issues with my children constantly because I think they are important issues: What is private? What is public? What is safe to share and what is not? How careful should people be about what they say? How do their public conversations shape the way people think about them? How trustworthy are they with other people’s information? Who can *they* trust?
We talk a lot out “transparency” – for ourselves, for corporations, for governments. But conversations are by nature two-sided. What one side wants to be transparent but the other doesn’t? Who wins?
We will get used to things that make us uncomfortable.
Remember Facebook before the Newsfeeds went public? No? Neither can I. But here’s a description from Clive Thompson’s Digital Intimacy article:
“When students woke up that September morning and saw News Feed, the first reaction, generally, was one of panic. Just about every little thing you changed on your page was now instantly blasted out to hundreds of friends, including potentially mortifying bits of news — Tim and Lisa broke up; Persaud is no longer friends with Matthew — and drunken photos someone snapped, then uploaded and tagged with names. Facebook had lost its vestigial bit of privacy. For students, it was now like being at a giant, open party filled with everyone you know, able to eavesdrop on what everyone else was saying, all the time.”
Panic? Hah. And how long did it take people to get used to the idea of Public Conversations on the newsfeeds? About a week. : )
Semi-private conversations will become more interesting.
Semi-private conversations are those which will be shared by a select group but not the rest of the world. It will be interesting to see how quickly groups develop their own “shared languages” to differentiate themselves from the rest of the world.
Also, conversations will become more than words. Think the sharing of images, videos, symbols as conversations, especially between members of groups who understand the symbolism.
Let’s talk blackmail.
Years ago, I read a novel by Dick Francis. In the story, main character is about to be blackmailed for having an affair. He realizes that the only way to diffuse the blackmailer is to actually tell his wife what happened.
True, most people won’t need to worry about actual blackmail. But you know that *feeling* of being afraid someone else will reveal your secrets? That’s pretty universal.
If you take charge of what information you will share with the world, other people will not be able to control you with that information.
A large number of people will need to be taught how to have public conversations.
If you are reading this blog, you are probably already using social media and are comfortable with the idea of public conversations. But an awful lot of people out there aren’t. Believe it or not, there are still a lot of people out there who are scared of Facebook. We run the risk of Social Media being “the great equalizer”, but *only for some of us*.
Let’s not forget that not everyone is comfortable with this. Let’s teach and guide and help all those who can’t quite keep up with this ever-changing world.
I could have written 10 more things I’m thinking about around this topic. But really, I’d love it to be a conversation. I’d love your thoughts.
Thank you.
13 Responses to “ Public, private and semi-private conversations. Some thoughts. ”
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[...] Private Conversations Public Last week, Lisa Hickey wrote a piece in which she mused on some of the societal effects of social media. She makes a number of good points, but one in [...]
Lisa, great observations. It’s something I’ve spent a bit of time considering as well.
I think one thing that gets lost with some is the enormous reach and longevity of their content. Whether it be a Twitter update, a Facebook status message, a blog post - it’s out there - available to hundreds of thousands - if not millions of eyes. It’s more than likely going to be around for awhile too. I always try to keep that front and center when playing online… Given the reach and lifespan of information, I apply a different set of gauges on commentary than I would in person.
I second your points around personal brand, as well. My ‘brand’ consists of many things - among them my online contributions or knowledge capital. If I choose to use the tools at hand to complain endlessly (about the weather, reliability of my car, my neighbors, etc;), that says something about who I am. If I’m constantly offering up information, trying to help others, encouraging new users - that says something altogether different.
So, it’s a new world - or, at least, the technology has finally caught up with the way humans have always interacted. As you suggest, many will have to be taught how to do this stuff… The onus is on folks like us to help set the tone and the trend, and help encourage productive dialogue across the web.
I have a pseudo on topic blog post going on here http://tinyurl.com/cjyhzf - I think you’ll find it interesting.
The public facade of social media really has its pros and banes.
Facebook, when revealed to the rest of the world, created this easy way to get in touch with lost friends, drawing friends closer in a technological manner which many other social media couldn’t.
It has eliminated self-privacy; it creates suspicions, especially with the flirtatous nature of humans behind a computer and mouse. I am guilty of using social media as a first platform to check someone new up, but yet, restraining all public information of me to others to avoid mishaps.
Social media - it’s precious and yet evil.
Good article. This stuff is all happening so fast it’s not easy to keep up.
I had coffee with some colleagues yesterday. One of whom explained to me that her spouse is a bit mortified at how much I share on Twitter and Facebook. She’ll say to him, “Jim and his family are going to see Race to Witch Mountain” or “Jim’s 4-yo daughter likes Yellow because Yellow likes her.” To which her husband responds, ‘Who cares?’ Well, as of today, about 1250 people care. Why? Not because these mundane life-events are ‘unique’ in some way, but because people identify with this stuff. It’s human stuff. I’ve found that when people identify with you, it’s not unlike writing solid copy - if you can get your audience to feel something by sharing an experience, you win. Transparency might be what the kids are calling this today, but frankly, as a writer, much of what goes into my 140 characters is just random thinking that pops into my head during the day. No, I’m not out to share the intimate details of my life – no one needs to know that I had Fruit Loops for breakfast. Unless, there were no Yellow Fruit Loops and my daughter dumped the box on the table to see where the Yellow Fruit Loops were.
I clearly see the line in the sand between public and private as a result of climbing into other people’s brains for a living, but most people are just learning how to separate the two. Yes, there’s a line. But it’s not like a barbed-wire fence you mustn’t cross. Just use common sense. People who identify with you will follow. And that’s how you grow an organic network of true friends. Friends relate. Those who can’t say, “Who cares?”
Thanks for this post Lisa – it’s very topical.
Enjoyed reading your observations. I twitter and facebook and listen to all kinds of podcasts… people just talking about their everyday lives, and often wonder who would really care or even notice what I have to say. Makes you wonder.
I’ve been following your blog and like it very much….(you’re actually on my blogroll now). I’ve been “experimenting” with Facebook and recently Twitter. I’ve found FB to be an electronic adult scrapbook, an non-intrusive way to see that latest baby pictures, reconnect with a high school pal, etc. Twitter? My jury is still out…but of course, I live in Hooterville where Twitter is a noise in a tree…so far! Common sense needs to prevail in using these new communication methods…there’s a lot of junk out there. You can choose to read it or not…but from an advertising perspective, it further divides the audience pie and make it more difficult to reach customers. It’s all very interesting to watch and participate in.
Thanks everyone! Len, I did enjoy your blog post, about the “sister topic” that is also of great fascination to me: the blurring of professional and personal lives. Jude, what an interesting point you bring up – that we check other people’s information as if it is the truth, when we’re perhaps not revealing all ourselves. Doug, you are so right about not being able to keep up – where will this all be 6 months from now? Lorna, Jim, adchick, oh, you’d be surprised at who cares! When I first got on Twitter, I was fascinated by the way I would “follow” people on Twitter *the same way I used to follow characters on TV shows*. And the more I know about someone, the more I care. It’s such an odd dynamic! There has to be a saturation point – how many people can one person care about, really, but I have yet to figure out what that is. Topic for another post, perhaps. : )
Jim - Your 4-yr-old sounds like a fun kid.
I work in a team of approximately 2 dozen people. On any given day, you’ll find most of us eating lunch together. t lunch, we talk. We don;t always talk about work.
One co-worker has a 6-month-old son. Another has two cats. One likes Science Fiction. Two like role-playing games. One co-worker is vegetarian but dislikes mushrooms. Another prefers broccoli to be very well cooked.
Who cares? We do. These are the connections that bring people together. The people in my team like each other. They swap stories at lunch AND they work well together professionally.
Compare my lunches at work to the people I “follow” in Twitter. We’re getting to know one another. We’re sharing bits of our lives. We’re just people. This is wat people do.
Hi Lisa:
What an insightful piece. The line gets even more confusing for businesses and businesspeople who are using social media platforms. I discuss 5 guidelines for trying to maintain a private and public balance here:
http://tinyurl.com/d7khxd
The world is changing faster than we can figure out a decorum for many of these new platforms - so it can be difficult.
But I do wonder what George Orwell would make of our decision to opted in to Big Brother…
Hi Lisa,
The semi private conversation point stood out. Just yesterday, a few friends came over for a visit…I have not seen them in awhile. So I asked if they were on Facebook and they said yes and that we should send each other messages without everyone seeing. We all need to adjust our conversation based upon situation and the comfort level of our friends and co-workers. Just like in non-online life.
Hello Lisa and all,
Several years ago, David Brin wrote a book about Transparency for the government. His argument was that if government was to engage in a surveillance culture, that was fine as long as it was reciprocal.
Unlike George, I don’t equate what’s happening with social media as an opt-in big brother, because Big Brother was an overseer. Social Media is like opt-in big family. Your siblings could be the meanest people in your life and your support structure at the same time.
The issue is, Brin’s viewpoint has become true. There are so many avenues of transparency, willing or unwilling, that we are forced to question our own motivations and actions.
“How would this look on Twitter?”
Because, potentially, everyone you meet may innocently write about it.
Thanks Vicki, George, Joe, and Jim. As the *rate* at which we communicate grows ever faster, I think we will make a lot more mistakes and learn from them as we do. I feel like I make mistakes daily! But the good part about that is I think my *empathy* for others has actually increased — I am able to put myself in someone’s shoes more and more often as someone who as “been there, done that.”