Wed 11 Mar 2009
The three types of conversations
Posted by Lisa Hickey under social media
photo: nyki_m
I was chatting today with my very first boss in my advertising career, Keith Lane. And Keith started talking about something so interesting that I had to say “wait, wait, wait, slow down, I want to blog this.” :0
He said “There are three kinds of conversations in business. There’s the conversation that’s just for the sake of conversation. ‘Weather, kids, how ‘bout them Knicks?’
Then there’s the conversation about possibilities. ‘What if we did this and have you thought about that and what would happen if we approached it this way.’
Finally there’s the conversation for action. ‘Here’s what needs to get done. Let’s make it happen.’”
The reason this engaged me so much is that I really do think about these things. I worry about having too much or too little of the first kind of conversation. I love the second kind: the idea generating stage. That’s the conversation where there’s engagement, inspiration, insight. But I know that the goal is always to move the conversation to the third stage, the conversation for action.
I’ve heard it said that social media is “all about the conversation.” Yes. But. Have you thought about how those conversations work to actually accomplish your objectives? Or are you still wondering how to measure ROI when all you’re doing is talking?
Thoughts?
Hi Lisa.
I’m honored.
Thank you for taking our conversation yesterday,
and actually taking action by writing your blog today.
You got it done.
I repeat.
You got it done.
Where are the rest of you people?
In a meeting, reviewing what happened at your last meeting, and then setting up the next meeting to discuss what happened in this meeting?
Damn it.
Get something done.
You’ll feel great that you actually accomplished something.
And you know what?
I wrote this comment 10 minutes after Lisa posted her blog.
And I feel great.
Keith Lane
Creative Director
Never Stop Creating
Hi Lisa. Saw your tweet about this. Well done. Thanks, Keith, too.
One more thing to do: Tweet does not appear on this page.
Latest Tweets says:
o No public Twitter messages.
Update: “latest tweets” appears after saving the comment (awaiting moderation). Strange.
Lisa:
Great post on your blog. Another thought is that one needs to be intentional with both starting and modifying conversations with people whom one wants to have possibilities and action discussions. Too many times people stall out on hi/how are you discussion. Thanks for the blog post! jp
Hi Lisa,
I met with Keith over coffee this week (fun!) to explore these conversations and i guess I have a different take on it.
To use a screenwriting or playwright metaphor, I’d suggest conversations are either one, two or three act movies/plays. Sometimes, a one act play is all you need to feel satisfied and was all you were expecting. There is a time and place for them and sometimes they can be really good.
But, the best plays and movies have an arc and the second act for me is where this happens. Its where the tension builds, where the audience is hooked. I love to play here as well. Its envisioning the possibilities. If movies or plays end with the hero left hanging with no resolution after you’ve become so invested, you walk away feeling angry, gypped, unsatisfied and less likely to want to walk down that path again. (This would be the end of the second type of conversation)
So, that’s the need for good writers of ACT 3…the resolution! Finding people to help ‘harness the hurricane’ and use all that energy for positive resolution is the most satisfying and I believe the third conversation that Keith refers to is Act 3!
As a struggling screenwriter, I realize that I struggle at times with ACT 3. In business, I realize that I need to find a partner who is great at writing the ACT 3s of this world so those of us who love to play in ACT 2, can help our audiences feel engaged and satisfied that we can come to a perfect resolution. Getting stuff done is all about ACT 3.
Thanks for letting me wax on and great Blog!
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments on this post. John, I think that being intentional and thoughtful with how we approach all three types of conversation is key. It seems like it should be intuitive, but you’re right about often stalling on the first type. The other common problem — I think — is being too heavy handed with the action part of the equations, which can then be seen as being “pushy”. Lisa, the idea of the arc is interesting, and how we might consider “building toward action and resolution.” More food for thought!
Lisa,
I have had the absolute pleasure of meeting Keith Lane this week and now I can’t get enough of him. He is brilliant, funny, so damn creative that I can’t keep up with him which is yet another reason I like him. And he tells me I write in run on sentences because I do.
It’s people like Keith (are there any people like Keith?) that get you thinking about things in a different way. I am the same kind, but not as gifted for sure.
I do think a lot within my conversations and then take them to the next step and I must be with people who will do the same thing.
The other reason I like Keith and I like what you are writing about is that I like to connect people. It’s a bit of an people addiction and I can’t break it. So he is now connecting me to you and I have spent the morning after Toastmaster’s connecting other people as well. And it’s the people who listen and take action that make the world a better place, hopefully!
I’ll stop here, hope to meet you soon and thanks for a great subject with neverending possibilities. Roberta
Hi Roberta.
Your check’s in the mail.
Keith
Keith,
I’m sure that it should be me paying you for all your ideas and conversation. Thanks for pushing me in the right direction and have a productive day.
Roberta
Lisa (and Keith)…
Love the three conversations.
And it is so true.
And depending on the situation, each is incredibly important.
Let’s not forget there is one other kind of conversation that really is like Memory floss…You know the one that usually starts with “Remember when….”
Shalom Peter.
You’re correct regarding the “Remember when” conversation.
Remember when we were going to gather the MOT
brain trust at your firm to share memories and talk futures
at a Chinese restaurant?
Please advise, and I’ll reserve a table for a minyan.
Lisa, you’re invited, too.
In our culture, you can actually upgrade from
a Queen to a Princess.
Right, Peter?
Standing by,
Keith.
Never Stop Creating.
I’m all about #3 — Let’s get things done. But without 1 & 2, there is no 3.
Hi Kim.
You’re a Creative Director
who’s also very skilled at math.
Most impressive.
Yes, It all does add up.
Thanks for getting it done.
You get an A+.
You now have to create, write, and design
your own diploma to graduate.
You have one day.
Go.
Keith.
Never Stop Creating.
Hello Lisa (& Keith)
I LOVE the topic of conversation and as a devoted wordsmith and shameless pun mistress, I hope you will allow me to pay homage to your excellent post with another triad revisited: Vini. Vidi. Vici.
Veni: I came for the wine & cheese.
Vidi: I have a vision. Well, many visions.
Vici: We did it! It’s brilliant!! Let’s go have some wine & cheese.
Ave,
Lajla
Hail Lajla.
Gallia est omnis divisa in partes tres.
Caesar Salad for you when you’re in my part of town.
Keith Lane Creative Director.
Never Stop Creating.
1)Buddha: “intentional thought and action”
2)IBM: “Funnel for their needs”, “sell ideas for solution”, “close on client”.
The two are difficult to reconcile, the first feels like giving, and the second feels like taking. Ideally every exchange is both giving and taking. As a woman I am far more suited to giving, as a placement agent I’ve learned give and take. Artist are typically givers…so that’s where I come in, I do the taking for them “close on the client”, and make sure they are compensed for their giving.
Hi Cindy.
So make it happen for us “Givers”.
“Take” that.
Thanks, and Ommmmmmmmmm.
Keith Lane Creative Director.
Never Stop Creating.
To Lisa, Keith etc.,
Interesting comments all, and having known Keith for a while now, he definitely wants to get to the third conversation, where so many are content to stop at 1 or 2. But that’s what makes him so good at what he does, and made him the success that he is. For many it’s the fear of action that stops them at Conversation 2. Keith certainly is not afraid of action, and I think that most people need to look past that fear and just get their butts in gear and go for it. (Oh, I can’t wait to see his reaction to this!) So how about those Sox? Can they do it this year?
Thanks, Ms. Hines.
Deb Hines is the most talented production artist I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with. When I work at her studio, she takes care of her beautiful 2 year old twin danger seeker daughters, her “check out my new piercing” teenage son, 2 dogs with no bladder control, a canary with brain damage, donates her time to every imaginable charity, all at the same time, and still gets the job done.
I’m on my way over to her Bates Motel in Lynn right now
with a Red Sox pennant.
Chances are I’ll leave alive.
If I don’t use the shower
Keith Lane Creative Director.
Never Stop Creating.
It’s amazing to me that one small conversation that Keith and I had could grow into its own little network of people and idea-sharing. Thanks to all!